Defense against the Dark Arts: Spiritual hijackers! Protect yourself from energy vampires.
Have you ever had the experience of having the life sucked out of you by spending time with a particular person? I’m talking about feeling exhausted, bored, irritated, stressed, anxious, threatened, overwhelmed or depressed after just a few moments in that person’s company. There may have been times where you felt guilty for having negative thoughts about that person — which made you feel even worse. You may even have thought there was something wrong with you, such as feeling a headache coming on or suddenly stressing over a deadline or feeling a sudden sense of lack. Either way, you didn’t understand why you felt so out of sorts.
Energetically Sensitive people or empaths have an ability to be emotional sponges that can heighten when they are at a social event, around co-workers, or in crowds. If empaths are around peace and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though, often feels assaultive or exhausting.
I’ve always been hyper-attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad. Before I learned to protect my energy, I felt them lodge in my body. After being in crowds or in close proximity to highly negatively charge people, I would leave feeling anxious, depressed, or tired. When I got home, I’d just crawl into bed, yearning for peace and quiet.
If that describes a familiar experience, chances are you are an empath or sensitive energetically, but you have also been in the company of an energy vampire!!
So What is an Energy Vampire !? An energy vampire is a person who feeds off your emotional, or psychic, energy. People who display energy vampire characteristics generally lack empathy, sensitivity, and emotional maturity. As a result of the pain or insecurity they feel inside, they are emotionally low vibrating and immature individuals. They are addicted to preying on the vitality of others as an attempt to heal their inner suffering. At times it may seem as if they are almost incapable of seeing things from another person’s perspective. They often have low levels of empathy or even lack empathy all together. They may believe that they must take what they can get from others and that freely giving will deprive them of essential emotional and physical resources.
It’s as if the whole world exists just to serve them and you are the latest object upon which they have set their sights for exploitation and manipulation. (Even now it's possible you are feeling guilty or shame about putting that person in the category!)
An energy vampire could be anyone: a friend, a family member, a colleague, an acquaintance, a child, a son or daughter, or even a romantic partner!
Perhaps it’s your sister who constantly cries on your shoulder, but never does anything to empower herself. She will ask for your opinion, but it falls on deaf ears or a hardened heart. (wow exhausting!)
Or perhaps it’s your mom who criticizes everything you do! (Yikes! total energy drain there too!)
Maybe you feel exhausted after your friend gossips to you about another friend! (blegh!)
I bet you’re probably thinking of a few energy vampires right now! It’s especially hard when we love and care about these people. When energy vampires are people that you care about, it can be a difficult situation.
For empaths and sensitives to fully enjoy being around others, they must learn to protect their sensitivity and find balance. Since I’m an empath, I want to help you all to cultivate this capacity and be comfortable with it. One thing to keep in mind is that this is NOT a one-size-fits-all type of approach!! What energetically drains you might not drain me and vice versa.
So lets start by talking about what drains you, is it:
Pessimistic people who chronically complain and always see the glass as half empty?
Jealousy? Deep down, jealous people are often insecure. This causes them to lash out or bully others. They may not be very happy, and because of this, it’s difficult for them to be happy for anyone else.
Scapegoaters? When people don’t take accountability for their own actions and blame their problems on others? Instead of finding their own joy, they expect others to make them happy.
Judgmental people? These folks may spend time with their noses in everybody else’s business but their own. They judge others and enjoy gossip.
Keep in mind also that, most of the time, in most cases your loved ones aren’t intentionally trying to drain you. I mean sure, some folks are mean spirited and say cruel things to hurt your feelings on purpose, but most times this is not the base intention but rather a byproduct of unresolved pain.
Stop and think for a minute about the energy vampires in your life. Do they have common traits? What are your triggers?
You must do what you can do to protect yourself from being drained. This is a two-pronged approach. First, you need to assess your own emotional capacity. Second, assess how much of a threat to you the energy vampire actually is. Weighing both these aspects will help you decide what right action you need to take in order to best protect yourself.
Emotional Capacity The extent of your own emotional capacity will directly determine how much of this other person's energy drain you can handle at one time. One of the most vital tools in your kit is your ability to self-reflect. Which is being curious about your own reactions and feelings, so as to understand yourself all the better. You also need to be kind to yourself by accepting yourself just as you are, in this present moment, as this is the only moment we may truly ever experience.
Conversely, if you are currently struggling with a disruption in your life, or if you have a particularly harsh inner critic that never stops nagging you and continuously puts you down, you will be all the more vulnerable to a vampire attack, and needing to be extra vigilant about self-care. A very big help to me is having a daily self-reflection practice. I use walking, meditation, yoga, cooking, and coloring to help increase my emotional capacity. Exploring the various things that seem to bring you ease of peace of simple joy is a great place to start, as this will build emotional resilience reserves in your memory that you draw upon later.
The other thing to consider when it comes to emotional capacity; what is your motivation surrounding having this person in your life? If you are highly motivated in let's say getting ahead in your career and this particular person is just a nuisance you have to put up with, then you are likely to be more resilient. However, if you put up with being drained just because you are too afraid to quit your job, or out of fear of being criticized and labeled unfriendly or any other host of names, then you can hopefully see that you are paying a very high price indeed for that fear. RECOGNIZING AND ASSESSING THE vAMPIRE
Victim or Martyr Vampires ~ They cultivate and prey off of your guilt. These individuals believe that they are “at mercy” of the world and suffer primarily due to the actions and choices of other people. Instead of taking self-responsibility for the current and future direction lives, they continually blame, manipulate and emotionally blackmail others. Their dysfunctional and even destructive behavior of the Victim/Martyr Vampire is due to their extremely low self-esteem.
When you’re around a Victim/Martyr Vampire, be aware of the self-pity cues. Don’t get involved in their self-pity. Limit your interaction with them if possible.
THE NARCISSIST VAMPIRE ~ If you have a Narcissist Vampire in your life, you might feel a sense of extreme disempowerment as you feel crushed beneath their need to always have the limelight. A Narcissist Energy Vampire has little to no capacity to show empathy, or genuine interest, towards other people and will carry the unconscious philosophy of “ME first, YOU second.” They also will constantly expect you to put them first, feed their egos and be at their beck and call. Be aware they have the ability to also manipulate you with false charm, but will just as quickly turn around and stab you in the back.
If you’re unable to cut this person off from your life right now, you might try to limit contact, when at all possible.
THE DOMINATOR VAMPIRE
These Vampires love to feel superior and tend to be “alpha” males or females. Due to their deep inner insecurities of being “weak” or “wrong” (and therefore hurt or in lack), Dominator Vampires overcompensate by intimidating you, and often these Dominator types are loud-mouthed types of people who have rigid beliefs, and black and white perceptions of the world. Their fears may often manifest as racism, sexism and/or bigotry.
To nurture and protect yourself, practice assertiveness when necessary and limit your contact with Dominator Vampires. Realize that their attempt to scare or dominate you is sourced from their deep fear of being dominated and thus ultimately hurt.
THE JUDGEMENTAL VAMPIRE
Due to their severely low self-worth, the Judgemental Energy Vampire loves to pick on other people. Their treatment of other people is merely a reflection of how they treat themselves. Judgemental Vampires enjoy preying on your insecurities and bolstering their egos by making you feel small, pathetic or ashamed. Remember that true self-worth must come from within. Refuse to take what the Judgemental Vampire says personally. Be aware of their deeper pain and their need to feel good about themselves. When you get defensive, you lose your power. Keep a balanced head, and try being sweet to them (that will really throw them off balance!). Reduce, or cut off contact with them if possible.
THE INNOCENT VAMPIRE
Vampires aren’t always malicious, as in the case of Innocent Vampires! Sometimes they can be helpless types of people who genuinely need help such as children or good friends who come to rely on you too much. It’s good that you help those you care about, but it’s also important that you remember to encourage them to be self-sufficient. Playing the role of the constant “rock” or support will eventually erode away your energy. As a result, you’ll have little energy to support yourself.
How to nurture your energy: Helping those in need is a display of compassion and love, but you also need to remember to love yourself. Gently remind the Innocent Vampire in your life that you need time to yourself as well. Encourage them to develop strength, fortitude and resilience so that you can remove the role of constant caretaker or giver.
Developing the ability to create emotional freedom is an essential life skill. Without it, we can easily get bogged down in disempowering beliefs, fears, roles and duties that drain our life force.
Keep in mind, we are energetic beings and therefore, vibrate at a certain frequency. Positive emotions are light and allow us to vibrate at a high frequency. Negative emotions are heavier and denser, and lower our vibration.
The higher your vibration is, the more resistant you’ll be to energy vampires. There are many ways to raise your vibration, including:
meditation
thinking about what you are grateful for each day
listening to your favorite music
exercising
looking for beauty in the world
looking for the beauty in others
do some journaling
Also remember: like attracts like. If you are mostly happy and sending out love, you’ll mostly get love back. That doesn’t mean that every second of every day will be perfect (negative emotions do serve a purpose), but you may notice that you tend to bring out the best in others. It’s spectacular!
